Wicked Girls Think It, Do You?

This is the first. Possibly the last. I am unsure how many of you even realize He Who Loves All Things Wicked and I are no longer married and together. I am now Wicked alone. I have now been set free and unleashed upon the world. Sorry world, hope you are prepared for the hell I will bring upon you. In time, it is sure to be quite magnificent. Let’s be honest, in time, it is sure to be worthy of a whole new blog filled with Wickedness of a whole new level.

Today though, it is a little more sedate. A little more about the realism of having been a part of ‘we’ for twenty years, counting premarital time, only to suddenly find myself needing to find a way to truly become an ‘I’ again. Finding out how to just be my Wicked self all alone in the world.

I am fortunate in so many ways, I was already very independent. I was already working outside the home. I had friends outside our relationship. We each had separate interests. I am very close to my family. I had a somewhat decent sense of self as I left the marriage, or so I thought, until I spent a month sitting in a townhouse approximately 1/3 the size of my former home. Suddenly I began to question everything and every choice I had made over the past 20 years.

As I saw him move on with another woman almost immediately, my reaction was intense pain, then anger, then an epiphany. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to go from being ‘us’ to being ‘them’.

I want to be ME. Fuck, I want to know who I am, just Wicked. What does Wicked like to do when she is alone for three days straight, with no one to ask anything of her? No one to run errands with or to cook or clean up behind to be certain and keep the peace.

I want to use men for sex and then kick them out of my bed and send them on their way. I want to live an emotionless, passionate life. Does this make sense to anyone but me?

I began a new art collection. I made a list of things I am going to do this year. ALONE!

I date, but if I like the guy very much, I don’t see him again. I want at least one year of no attachments. No more pain. Nothing but exploring Wicked and learning what she loves and fears and how to conquer it. I am not afraid of being alone. I am embracing it. Insisting on it. I feel like doing me for a year will make me the best possible person I could be. I only wish I could be incredibly wealthy, so I could do me much better.

…….and don’t worry, I plan to do lots of others in the meantime…….